Wednesday Weigh In / The Shame Of It All

     Merry Christmas Eve everyone!!  Today is going to be a very busy day for me as I am working 9-2 then I am heading to my sister's for a Christmas Eve get together.  I went ahead and wrote this up last night because I knew I wasn't going to have any time today to write it.  I did however wait till this morning to do my weigh in so I can stay consistent with what numbers I report.  Thank God I waited because if this is what I saw this morning, just think what it would have said if I did it last night.  So lets just get this out of the way right now.

12/24/14 official weigh in

179 lbs

Change: +3.5 lbs

Total loss from heaviest: 138 lbs

Current BMI: 28.0 (overweight)

Change: +.5

      I have debated whether to write about this or not, but after seeing what the scale had to say I think it warranted a truthful response.  So on December 19^th we had our company Christmas pot luck, which is always bad for us food-a-holics because of the smorgasbord of food available.  The pot luck took place during work and being the manager of my department I decided to let my employees go ahead and eat while I covered the department.  I felt that was the right thing to do, but what it did was gave me almost an hour to wait to eat so I was extremely hungry when it was my turn to dive in.  Now of course I was going to enjoy myself, it was a holiday party, so I filled my plate with a sandwich, some chips and cheesy potatoes.  The cheesy potatoes were really good so I went back for seconds, but didn’t over do it. 

 

     Now this is where things went all kinds of wrong.  By this time I was all by myself in the lunch room with a bunch of cookies, brownies, chocolate covered pretzels and buckeyes.  I told myself I could have one cookie and one buckeye, well all that did was start that little tiny snowball rolling down hill.  With no one around for me to feel embarrassed for gorging myself and before I new it I was 5 heavily frosted and sprinkled sugar cookies and 5 rich chocolate & peanut butter buckeyes in.  I had that disgusted ashamed feeling, yet I couldn’t stop myself.  I had to physically walk out of the lunch room to keep from eating any more and yet it was all I could think about.  More! More! More! is all my brain would comprehend.  I started chewing some Extra gum to try and keep myself from going back once the minty flavor of the gum kicked in.  The trick worked, but the damage had already been done.

     Now add to that, Saturday my parents arrived in town for Christmas and the family all met at Fricker’s to eat dinner.  There is not one healthy thing about Fricker’s, but boy does it taste good.  I ended up eating cheese fries and greasy breaded wings like it was no big deal.  Normally I don’t make a big deal about it, but because I haven’t been running or getting any exercise recently I am not burning the calories to allow this kind of behavior.

     I have no reason to think this is the beginning of the end and I will slip and slide all the way back to 300 pounds, but it sure did scare me how easy it was.  Especially considering how hard I have worked to get to where I am.  I wasn’t going to write this because it is really fucking embarrassing to admit, but it’s the truth and this is what I struggle with. 

 Merry Christmas Everyone!