I would be lying if I said I was completely happy with my current situation, but I have decided all the stress and anger I have spewed the last month was just a waste of time. While it felt really great at the time to rant about my situation, all it did was deepen my depression for the situation. I was so down I started to question my resolve and wanted to just give up the whole thing. In my last post, I even looked to find blame with my doctor and his handling of things and even sought out a new doctor expecting that would solve all my problems and the insurance company would just magically fall into line and allow the surgery. After a few days I came to accept what is my current situation, drain away all that angers me about the situation. I've been told that "you only get one life, so live it" and going through it angry just wastes what little time I have with this life.
So what have I been doing since I haven't been able to run? That is a good question. First it has allowed me to spend more "together" time with my wife since I don't have any training runs to go do or races that keeps me busy for a couple hours while she hangs out and cheers for me on the sidelines. Also, a couple of weeks ago I started my physical therapy which has gone great. I see her twice a week doing strength training followed by some stretching to increase my range of motion. I have four more weeks before I am to see the doctor again. At that point, I assume, we will discuss if we will petition the insurance company again for the surgery.
Some GREAT news to finally report amidst all that has transpired with my injury I forgot to mention that I was asked to return as a race ambassador for the 2016 MercyHealth Glass City Marathon in Toledo, Ohio. This year's race will be the 40th anniversary of the marathon and the organizers are working tirelessly to make it one to remember. My goal, post surgery, was to work hard to get myself ready to at least run and finish the race, however that goal may be in jeopardy with each day that passes. So, I will heed the advice of my doctor and PT and do what they suggest in this situation, If I only have enough time to get ready for the half marathon or the 5K race than that is what I will do. If things work out that I won't even be ready for the 5K then I will work the course as one of my fellow ambassadors did last year when an injury sidelined her a few weeks prior to the race.
The last thing I wanted to talk about was my weight. I have struggled with this recently and I am trying to rectify it, without letting it run my life. Just as my injury took place back in early July my weight has seen its lowest ever with a 169.5 on the scale. Without running to continue my calorie burn, the lack of ambition to find a suitable replacement, and my depression fueling my binging habits my weight has crept up to 181 pounds. I have managed to try really hard at getting back on track with my eating habits and have managed to drop a couple of pounds, but without that vehicle to burn some calories I feel a little like I am hanging on the edge of a cliff by nothing more than my fingernails. In an effort to keep myself positive, I have told myself that I haven't resorted to my old habits of eating the greasy shitty food, I just have been increasing the volume of what I have eaten. I just have to get back to watching my calorie intake and I should be in good shape.
Dean, I totally get your frustration! It's been 10 months since I injured my leg. I was starting to think I'd be injured forever. I'm glad you're at least able to start enjoying yourself more, rather than being angry all the time about it. I just recently got to that point myself, and it has made a world of difference in my mood (and my weight!). I, too, gained weight during my injury, and it only made my frustration and depression worse. It sounds like you know exactly where the problem is with your eating, so you just have to work on that--and I know you will, because you are seriously the most determined person I've ever met. Keep on keeping on, and I'll see you in a couple of weeks!
ReplyDeleteGreat perspective. You can either be anger, which won't change anything, or just live in the moment and do the best you can given the circumstances. With time I have no doubt you'll be running again, even if you have to jump through a few hoops along the way.
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