Obsess Much

     This post is completely different than what it was a few days ago.  I had wrote this long diatribe about how I have been so pissed at myself for not loosing the 10 pounds that I am over goal.  I have lost sight of all the positives in my life and stopped thinking about how great it is that I am 183 pounds and not 317 pounds.  I have finally realized I am obsessing over the wrong things.  Yes I need to remember this is a struggle and I have to keep focus or I could ruin all I have worked for, but honestly who gives a fuck about ten pounds.  I sure as hell don't want to anymore.  

     Instead of living in "the glass is half empty" side of things I am going to write a bunch of "the glass is half full" stuff and try to concentrate about the positives of my situation.  The obvious one was the hard work and dedication I have put into changing my life and not being a victim to it anymore.  A painful injury sidelined me for months, caused me to need surgery and rehab and I was able to maintain my weight loss with my diet.  The old Dean would have just given up and slid back into his old habits.  I ate a really, really, REALLY good cookie and managed to be satisfied with it.  The old Dean would have obsessed and looked for every way to get more.  

     There are plenty others I am sure, but after I weighed in today I came to the realization that I can't let that three digit number on the scale control my life.  For example a couple of weeks ago I had been doing quite a bit of running and my weekly mileage had increased to almost pre injury numbers.  When I weighed, not only did I not lose any, I gained weight and it pissed me off to know end.  All I could think about is why nothing was happening.  Before surgery, the running did the trick and now nothing was happening and today, after not running for almost two weeks because of my back I lost 3 pounds.  (Quick side not because I haven't written much in awhile, I hurt my lower back will working on my motorcycle and it has been really painful.  Today was the first day I have felt like running in almost two weeks.)  There are so many things that can affect this number that I almost don't care anymore.  To be honest, I could lose at least 15 pounds right now if I had a surgery to remove a lot of the loose skin around my mid section.  My body might be telling me, I good with were we are, just keep doing what you are doing, so I am going to listen.