Physical Therapy is Complete

     It seems like a lifetime ago that I was running consistently and having something to say about it.  I do apologize for my posts being few and far between lately, but there just hasn't been much to say that hasn't already been said on my current situation.  However, I did want to give a quick update since I finished my 6 weeks of physical therapy and I thought this would be a good time to catch you all up to date.  

     As far as therapy goes, it was successful in the job of increasing my flexibility and strengthening my legs, hips and core, but to answer the sixty four million dollar question, I still have pain.  To be completely honest I am having pain right now as I type this.  The intensity of the pain and aching varies depending on my day, but what I have noticed is no one thing is the trigger.  If I stand or sit for most of the day is flares up or it can flare up no matter what the combination is for the day.

     If I remember correctly the last time I was running regularly was early July, and the pain has continued during this rest period. Needless to say that if I was never to run a step or do any other "sports" related type of exercise, as the insurance company calls it,  this is affecting the quality of my everyday life.  My therapist says that there is a chance that I could continue to have pain even after I have the surgery done, but to be honest I would rather get the surgery and still have pain than never get the surgery and always wonder if it would have fixed it.  Plus, don't forget the extra bone protrusion that was rubbing on the cartilage and caused the tear to begin with.  If I don't get that taken care of I am sure to have more problems in the future.

     Anyway, I have a followup appointment with my surgeon on Friday to discuss where things go from here.  I hope to have some news to share from that visit, but I am thinking it will go like this, Lets set up a new surgery time and submit it to the insurance company and see if they will now approve it.  Well, all I can do is cross my finger and hope at this point! ;)

Where the Hell Have You Been

   
     Well it has been a little over a month since my last post and I want to apologize for not being more active for you all.  I have just struggling to feel any sort of being or purpose lately when it comes to my blog.  Every time I think "that would be a good topic to write about" the desire just hasn't been there for me to do it.  Ever since I was told I needed surgery I have been down in the dumps with the whole "why me" argument.  I am sure the lack of exercise that my body is use to is having an effect on my mood, but when you add in being inundated all day every day on Facebook and other blogs about others that are hitting these great milestones, running some great races and just plain enjoying life doing what they love while you can't doesn't help the situation.  Don't get me wrong, I am so happy and proud to see so many people making healthy changes in their lives, but it is hard not to fight that feeling of jealousy and anger at my situation, and I think I have let it get to me so bad that I have been disengaging from almost everything in my life.  More and more the idea of just coming home from work, sitting on the couch and doing nothing but watch Netflix has become my norm, and I don't like it.

     Since I can't run I have dusted off the bicycle and given cycling a shot.  Mandy and I have gone on a few 2-3 mile rides together, but she likes to just relax and enjoy the view when she rides, which I don't mind since we are spending time together, but to me that is the equivalent of walking vs. running.  I have managed a 9 mile and 13 mile rides at a brisk pace, which felt pretty good, despite my ass getting sore. (#) I would like to get out there more, but really the only time I have to ride, other than my day off is in the early morning when its dark, so until I spend some money on lights for the bike, that is out.

     Time to change the attitude and think more positive about things.  I am sure the last thing anyone once to read about is my fucking pity party on how I can't run right now, when there is so much more going on in the world to deal with.  I have to admit, what you are reading now is the third time I have written this post, and before deleting most of it, I think typing those previous drafts really helped.  How you ask?  Well when I read it back to myself, all I heard was a guy that wants something to come easy to him, feels like he is owed something, wants others to feel sorry for him and say it is ok to be like this.  I know this feeling well, and you know what this feeling has gotten me in the past?  I'll tell you  142 POUNDS OF PURE WASTE OF SPACE!  That's right, the last time I felt this way was before this journey ever started and when I didn't want to put in any of the effort, but gain all the results.  

     My plan for the blog's future is to do a daily or every other day post about my surgery experience and recover, but until then my post will be few and far between and may have absolutely nothing to do with running. There is a little more than three weeks till I have my surgery, so until then nothing but living life and concentrating on the positives in life! 

Cut Me Mick

     

      For those of you that don't remember those words, they were spoken by Rocky to his trainer, when his eye was so swollen shut he couldn't see and the only way for him to continue in the fight was to have the trainer cut him to release the pressure and allow him to see.  Well it may not be my eye and this may not be a boxing match, but it is what I have to do if I want to continue running.

     For those of you that have been following along, today was my follow up doctor visit to review my MRI results along with my x-rays, and what I hoped would not be the case, was the case.  The MRI shows a possible labral tear of the cartilage that separates the ball from the socket of my hip joint.  I say possible because no doctor is every going to deal in absolutes until he actually is cutting me open and seeing it for himself, but the evidence seemed pretty convincing.  

     Well, how to we fix it you ask?  We cut me open of course!  Ok, I will stop being overly dramatic, since it is only a one day out patient, arthroscopic procedure where he will cut three small incisions in my hip and thigh to fix the issue.  What I will not exaggerate about is the recovery time, holy shit!  I will have to be off of work for a week to ten days, followed by trying to maneuver around on crutches for three to four weeks.  After those initial ten days I have roughly three months of physical therapy and an estimated time of six months before I can return to running regularly pain free.  Chances are it will be at least year or so before I can attempt another marathon, if ever.  

     Those that I have talked to about this have said I seem rather positive about the whole thing, well what can I say, this has really fucked up a lot of plans and goals I have set for myself, but it is what it is, right?  I mean I would be lying if I said I wasn't completely devastated, but feeling that way and throwing a tantrum like a four year old won't do me a bit of good, so moving on.  Now I have to figure out when is the earliest I can get in to have the surgery done, and based on work related commitments, that looks more like late August or early September at best.

     The other issue I have due to today's news, is what to do with my Detroit Marathon registration.  I cannot get a refund and other than just losing $75 and not showing up for the race, I could do a transfer to someone else.  I am going to do a little research on transfers and maybe just donate my registration fee to someone else who could use it.  So stay tuned for that!  

My MRI Pulp Fiction Experience

     I have to say that yesterday was a bit of an experience for me.  I haven't ever had any major medical issues that required anything of this magnitude when it comes to testing.  I had my first ever MRI yesterday, and not knowing what to expect I went in filled with more anxiety than I usually do.  My appointment was at 3:00 so I headed over to that area of town to grab a bite to eat and walk around the mall to kill some time before all the festivities began.  

     I arrived thirty minutes early to get checked in and only had to wait about fifteen minutes before they called me back.  The order of the day was going to be started with getting injected with a numbing agent, MRI contrast dye and a steroid that was ordered by my doctor, followed by a forty five minute MRI session as the nurse explained to me.  She first took me back to get changed for the procedure, which I had brought a pair of shorts to wear, but my anxiety quickly skyrocketed when she told me to strip down to just my socks and put on a medical gown.  Despite feeling truly uncomfortable in the situation, there was something very freeing about hanging in the breeze.  

     After I changed I was introduced to the MRI tech who went over my two page questioner, which I stated I was claustrophobic and had tattoos.  The tattoos could have been an issue because some inks contain metal which can feel a burning sensation and can irritate a patient during the MRI, I however had no issues with this during mine.  She showed me the "open" MRI machine she would be using and actually loaded me into the machine for a trial run to make sure I would be ok.  I was fine and didn't feel boxed in, but my face was about two inches from the machine, so it was a little unnerving. 

     Once she let me out, I was headed to another room to get the injections done.  I climbed aboard the x-ray table where the nurse positioned my leg and pull my gown up to the point I was very uncomfortable.  Now the whole time I was there the nurse and the MRI tech was so nice and accommodating, but at this point the nurse was explaining the injection procedure and by the time I was done I felt like the doctor was going to come in and go all John Travolta in Pulp Fiction on me.  As the doctor began to inject the needle I was prepping myself for a painful stabbing by clenching my hands and squinting my eyes as tight as I could.  Wouldn't you know, it wasn't shit to deal with.  I have had more pain getting my blood drawn than what I went through here.  Now for the cool part, I mentioned I was on an x-ray table, well he had a live x-ray shot of my hip on the screen so he could see where he was guiding the needle.  Once I realized the pain wasn't anything to deal with I looked at the screen to see this long needle injected into my hip joint.  He explained that I would feel pressure in the joint once he pumped all the drugs and the dye in, and sure as shit, it felt like someone was putting slight pressure on me.

     Now, for the MRI portion things didn't go quite as smooth as the injections did.  The tech got me all loaded into the machine, cranked up some '90s rock on the headphones for me and we began the scans.  After the first two scans, lasting in total of about fifteen minutes, she came in to make changes to the machine because she said, and I quote "you are to skinny and I have to change the machine to get a better picture."  It still is funny to hear someone utter those words to a person who use to be 317 pounds, but digress.  The change to the machine took about five minutes or so before I had to climb back onto the table and start the entire procedure over again.  From this point on things were going smoothly and I thought I was done when the tech said she was coming in, but I was wrong.  She told me that the last two scans she was unable to get good images and asked me if I would try the other machine, you know the tube that feels like your in a fucking coffin.  She said it would be ten minutes at the most, I said what the hell I can handle it, I think.  Thankfully she put me in feet first so my head was still sticking out a little, but man it felt tight in there.  We got started, and after the first scan I was doing pretty good, so she quickly moved on to the last scan.  I don't know what happened, but as soon as she said we were done and she was coming in to get me, my anxiety level shot through the roof and I felt trapped.  If she would have taken five seconds longer I think I would have had a full fledged freak out.

     I should have the results in a few days and I meet with my doctor for a follow up on the results next week.  I was given a copy of the images to look at, but I don't know what the hell I am suppose to be looking for, but here are some examples of the scans.  If I am correct the really white areas are the cartilage lining the hip joint.  I'll will have to wait till next week to be enlightened on what I am seeing here. 

What Could It Be?

     So after last Sunday's run I contacted my physical therapist and gave her the bad news of how the run went.  She pretty much said what I new she would say and what I was thinking as I walked/limped back home, "you should have rested today and not pushed yourself".  She wanted me to rest on Monday and Tuesday, then attempt an easy 2 mile run on Wednesday.  

     I woke up on Wednesday and my hip joint area was aching a little bit.  I thought about not attempting the two miles, but I stretched out and went anyway.  I kept slow, around a 10 min pace and did fairly well, but I would get an occasional twinge of aching type pain.  Nothing to make me stop or want to stop, just reminding me that its there.  She wanted me to stop at the end of the first mile and do a few light stretches, so when I hit mile one I stopped and did the stretches and turned tail and headed for home.  At mile 1.66, that same twinge of aching type pain with an occasional sharper pain (nothing intense) would come and go much more frequently till I finished the full two miles.  When I was done, the aching pain hung around and lingered for awhile afterwards.  

     I contacted my PT and she decided it would be best if I came in for another session that afternoon.  She seemed concerned that the pain was coming on sooner and sooner with each run.  So after a lot of questions and the usual pushing, pulling and twisting the theory changed from a muscle issue to possibly being a tear to the hip joint cartilage know as the acetabular labrum or labral tear.  Basically from what I gathered on the Internet, that this is the cartilage that separates the ball from the socket in the hip join.  

     Obviously my PT wasn't making a diagnosis because the only true why to know if it is a labral tear is to have an expensive MRI, but based on the symptoms I have described to her she thought this to have a good probability.  According to her and what I read online, there are two main ways of treating this.  First is a non surgical option, which means a lot of physical therapy and strength training to strengthen the muscles around the hip to better support it and minimize the onset of pain.  The other is surgery which then would be followed by lots of physical therapy and no guarantee that the pain will end and running can continue.

     So where do I go from here?  Well because she is on the fence about it being a labral tear we decided for me to take one week off from all activities and completely rest it.  It was recommended, but not prescribed to take whatever anti inflammatory I am comfortable with taking and icing the area several times a day.  Next Wednesday we will talk and reevaluate our options.

     Part of me really wants to pay the money to have the MRI done just so I know for sure what I am dealing with, but the other part of me knows I don't really have the cash to pay for a test that could, even with my insurance, cost me 1-2 thousand dollars.  Mostly though, this is turning into a real test for my patience.  This could be a very small blip on my running life, but damn it, when you are going through it, it feels like an eternity.