Where the Hell Have You Been

   
     Well it has been a little over a month since my last post and I want to apologize for not being more active for you all.  I have just struggling to feel any sort of being or purpose lately when it comes to my blog.  Every time I think "that would be a good topic to write about" the desire just hasn't been there for me to do it.  Ever since I was told I needed surgery I have been down in the dumps with the whole "why me" argument.  I am sure the lack of exercise that my body is use to is having an effect on my mood, but when you add in being inundated all day every day on Facebook and other blogs about others that are hitting these great milestones, running some great races and just plain enjoying life doing what they love while you can't doesn't help the situation.  Don't get me wrong, I am so happy and proud to see so many people making healthy changes in their lives, but it is hard not to fight that feeling of jealousy and anger at my situation, and I think I have let it get to me so bad that I have been disengaging from almost everything in my life.  More and more the idea of just coming home from work, sitting on the couch and doing nothing but watch Netflix has become my norm, and I don't like it.

     Since I can't run I have dusted off the bicycle and given cycling a shot.  Mandy and I have gone on a few 2-3 mile rides together, but she likes to just relax and enjoy the view when she rides, which I don't mind since we are spending time together, but to me that is the equivalent of walking vs. running.  I have managed a 9 mile and 13 mile rides at a brisk pace, which felt pretty good, despite my ass getting sore. (#) I would like to get out there more, but really the only time I have to ride, other than my day off is in the early morning when its dark, so until I spend some money on lights for the bike, that is out.

     Time to change the attitude and think more positive about things.  I am sure the last thing anyone once to read about is my fucking pity party on how I can't run right now, when there is so much more going on in the world to deal with.  I have to admit, what you are reading now is the third time I have written this post, and before deleting most of it, I think typing those previous drafts really helped.  How you ask?  Well when I read it back to myself, all I heard was a guy that wants something to come easy to him, feels like he is owed something, wants others to feel sorry for him and say it is ok to be like this.  I know this feeling well, and you know what this feeling has gotten me in the past?  I'll tell you  142 POUNDS OF PURE WASTE OF SPACE!  That's right, the last time I felt this way was before this journey ever started and when I didn't want to put in any of the effort, but gain all the results.  

     My plan for the blog's future is to do a daily or every other day post about my surgery experience and recover, but until then my post will be few and far between and may have absolutely nothing to do with running. There is a little more than three weeks till I have my surgery, so until then nothing but living life and concentrating on the positives in life! 

1000 Miles and Depressed

     Today's run was my first back in two weeks due to my continuous IT Band issues.  I went out without using the IT band isolator strap.  My ultimate goal is to get back to original form so I wanted to see how I would do without it.  I headed out keeping my pace quite slow and just trying to concentrate on my form.  Somewhere around the mile and a half mark I was starting to feel the tightness in my knee with some minor pain.  I hit the turnaround and ended up stopping so I could stretch out the IT band.  I walked for maybe 20 yards and then got back to it with no problems.  As I suspected The pain crept back and I ended up stopping again to stretch things out and walk it out.  Again I was pain free for a little while, but like I was expecting, pain came back.  once I hit the 3 mile mark I gave up and walked the last mile home.

     When I got home I was feeling frustrated and depressed, and realized I was only 1.1 miles away from hitting the 1000mile mark for the year.  I finished my stretches and thought to myself, I am not going to run again for the rest of the year so fuck it I am gonna go out and at least hit the millennium mark for the year.  I geared up and headed down the bike trail for a half mile and turned around to head back.  The whole time I was thinking this a stupid idea to continue to run, but I wanted a victory of some kind today.

  
     Now where do I go from here.  I am officially done for the year.  I have a tattoo apt in a couple of days and combine that with the knee issues I am just going to hang up the shoes till January.  I am also going to seek professional help in the form of a sports physical therapist.  I found out today that in Ohio you don't have to see and get a doctor's note before you can see a SPT, you can go directly to them.  I am going to contact a couple of places and see what I need to do to get started.

The Loss & The Heartbreak

 You left my life,

But you will never leave my heart!

     It is a sad time in the Running In The Fat Lane household.  We were faced with the decision that no parent of a furry four legged child ever want to have to make.  I know this blog is geared toward my running and weight loss journey, but sometimes life throws you a curve ball that really can affect you.  I thought this would be a nice way to remember our little Stinka and give you all a little window into the family side of my life.

     Back on Valentine's Day of 2003 I asked Mandy to marry me, obviously she said yes, but that was the genesis to where Stinka would eventually enter our lives.  At this point we were not living together and we had decided to have our wedding in June of 2004, so we were trying to decide between renting our buying a home.  At this time the rates were pretty good and it made a lot more sense to buy, so we started looking for our home.  One day we were out shopping and stopped into a Petland store to look around and play with the puppies.  Now I know what your thinking, a fucking pet store, but when we saw Stinka we fell in love with him.  We were young, stupid and didn't know any better, but even those poor dogs deserve loving homes too.  Anyway, we bought him and Hemi became part of our lives.

     To explain the name thing, we originally named him Hemi and stuck with it for a while.  He was trained on it and all his vet papers and his original ID tag had that name.  Well as time went on Hemi became pretty known for; well his stinky farts!!  We were constantly commenting on how bad they were.  Mandy and her family are known for giving their pets all kinds of little nicknames, and one night Mandy called him Stinka.  Over time we were using Stinka more and more and Hemi less and less.  Before we new it, Hemi was a lost cause and Stinka would forever be his name.

     

     In October of 2003 Stinka, Harley (my black domestic short hair cat), Mandy and I moved into our new home.  It wasn't long after that that we felt like Stinka needed a friend and we brought Chopper, who through the same nickname process is now named Mr. Widdle, into our home.  The next 11 years Stinka has been nothing short of pure joy in our lives.  Dogs always seem to know when you need a pick me up and Stinka was always there to give us kisses, I mean A LOT OF KISSES, even when we didn't want any.  Stinka sure didn't like other people a whole hell of a lot, but he did love other dogs.  He would always wanna play with the neighbor dog and bark at every little noise he heard outside, which annoyed the shit out of Mandy and me, but today I miss it terribly.

     I am not going to get into the details of what led us to this decision because frankly it doesn't fucking matter.  It is a hard and painful decision and I don't envy anyone who has to do it.  All that matters to us is that we had 11 wonderful years with him and that we were able to give him what all dogs want, a home with parents that love him.  He was our child, our first child and we loved him every day of his little life. 

RIP Stinka

Mommy & Daddy love you and miss you