Life Without Running

     I would be lying if I said I was completely happy with my current situation, but I have decided all the stress and anger I have spewed the last month was just a waste of time.  While it felt really great at the time to rant about my situation, all it did was deepen my depression for the situation.  I was so down I started to question my resolve and wanted to just give up the whole thing.  In my last post, I even looked to find blame with my doctor and his handling of things and even sought out a new doctor expecting that would solve all my problems and the insurance company would just magically fall into line and allow the surgery.  After a few days I came to accept what is my current situation, drain away all that angers me about the situation.  I've been told that "you only get one life, so live it" and going through it angry just wastes what little time I have with this life.

     So what have I been doing since I haven't been able to run?  That is a good question.  First it has allowed me to spend more "together" time with my wife since I don't have any training runs to go do or races that keeps me busy for a couple hours while she hangs out and cheers for me on the sidelines.  Also, a couple of weeks ago I started my physical therapy which has gone great.  I see her twice a week doing strength training followed by some stretching to increase my range of motion.  I have four more weeks before I am to see the doctor again.  At that point, I assume, we will discuss if we will petition the insurance company again for the surgery. 

Some GREAT news to finally report amidst all that has transpired with my injury I forgot to mention that I was asked to return as a race ambassador for the 2016 MercyHealth Glass City Marathon in Toledo, Ohio.  This year's race will be the 40th anniversary of the marathon and the organizers are working tirelessly to make it one to remember.  My goal, post surgery, was to work hard to get myself ready to at least run and finish the race, however that goal may be in jeopardy with each day that passes.  So, I will heed the advice of my doctor and PT and do what they suggest in this situation, If I only have enough time to get ready for the half marathon or the 5K race than that is what I will do.  If things work out that I won't even be ready for the 5K then I will work the course as one of my fellow ambassadors did last year when an injury sidelined her a few weeks prior to the race.

The last thing I wanted to talk about was my weight.  I have struggled with this recently and I am trying to rectify it, without letting it run my life.  Just as my injury took place back in early July my weight has seen its lowest ever with a 169.5 on the scale.  Without running to continue my calorie burn, the lack of ambition to find a suitable replacement, and my depression fueling my binging habits my weight has crept up to 181 pounds.  I have managed to try really hard at getting back on track with my eating habits and have managed to drop a couple of pounds, but without that vehicle to burn some calories I feel a little like I am hanging on the edge of a cliff by nothing more than my fingernails.  In an effort to keep myself positive, I have told myself that I haven't resorted to my old habits of eating the greasy shitty food, I just have been increasing the volume of what I have eaten.  I just have to get back to watching my calorie intake and I should be in good shape.

Surgery Update WTF

     Yeah so I would love to say I just haven't been posting everything because of my recovery, but that just isn't the case.  So when I last posted it was the start to the Labor Day weekend and I was told by the doctor's nurse that he would contact the insurance company Tuesday and she would call me with an update.  Tuesday came and by late afternoon I hadn't heard anything, so I called them.  After being put on hold for several minutes I was informed that the doctor would be calling tomorrow, the day before the surgery, because he wasn't in the office today.   I thought, "Really?!, but ok."

     The next morning I wake up and anxiously awaited the verdict.  I received the call around 10ish letting me know that the surgery has been canceled.  The nurse stated that the insurance company would not budge on their position that this surgery is exploratory and that with a procedure such as this requires medication, rest and alternative treatments before they will authorize the surgery.

     Of course it goes without saying, but I will anyway, that I was SUPER PISSED and extremely disappointed.  I proceeded to call my insurance company and vent my frustrations, which got me passed along from one person to another who could supposedly help me, I was finally transferred to a voicemail where I left all my info while thinking there is no way in hell anyone will call me back.  Little did I know that I would get a call back several hours later.  The conversation with the nurse for their medical staff, basically went back and forth just like a tennis match.  I could tell she was getting a pissed off with me because I wouldn't give in and kept on till after 20 plus minutes she finally said what the real reason they denied it.  Basically, Anthem has different procedures that no mater what have a list of things that must be tried before a surgical option will be explored.  Them denying my surgery wasn't because their doctor disagreed with my doctor its because of their policy and my surgery fit this bullshit policy.  So instead of doing what is medically necessary their policy has me jumping through hoops till they say otherwise.  

     After the conversation with the insurance company I called the nurse at my doctor's office to let them know what the ins company had to say, and that is when things start to get a little "funny" for me.  The nurse says that she is calling in a prescription to my pharmacy and will be mailing me a prescription for physical therapy that she will mail me.  I hang up and call it a day and instead of going back to work for the week, I decided to use the rest of the week to spend time with my wife, my family who were in town and for myself to just relax and decompress.  Friday my wife surprised me with a tattoo appointment because she wanted something to go right for me this week.  Only those that have tattoos and really enjoy the act of getting one just as much as the artwork involved know what I am talking about when I say that it was just the thing I needed to relieve some stress.  Wow did I feel so much better after we were all done. 

     So, fast forward a few days and this is where my head is at.

     I am beginning to think my doctor and his staff don't know what the fuck they are doing.  Sunday, a full four days after the nurse stated she was calling in my script, I stopped by the pharmacy and to my surprise there was no prescription waiting for me.  I thought to myself, maybe she meant she was mailing the script along with the PT prescription.  When Wednesday came and still nothing I decided to see just what the hell is going on.  I had to return the recovery medical supplies that I had received prior to my surgery that I wrote about here.  

     The medical supply company is located in the same office as the doctor and since I still haven't received my prescriptions for my meds and PT I thought I would kill two birds with one stone while I was there.  When I asked them about the medication and PT no one seemed to know what I was talking about.  The nurse I spoke with asked me to sit and wait till the doctor got out of a consultation so she could talk with him.  I was close enough to them that I was able to listen in on some of their conversation and when she asked him about the medication he said I don't care whatever we usually give.  After the doctor walked away, she called me back over to get everything taken care of.  After the nurse asked me what pharmacy I wanted the meds called into, she still ended up calling them into the wrong place.  I mean come on Dean, cut her a little slack, Right Aid and Walgreen's sounds exactly a like.  But I digress.  Oh, and the nurse on the phone from last week, the one that was taking care of all this, told me the insurance company needed me to have PT for 3 months and Wednesday the doctor only prescribed 6 weeks of physical therapy. WTF!  Doesn't anyone know what is going on?

     After today, I am on the fence about seeking a 2nd opinion and wondering if some of what the insurance company was blaming on the doctor was, in fact, true.

Stick To Your Word, That's All I Ask

      WARNING ANGRY RANT ABOUT INSURANCE COMPANIES AHEAD.  PROCEED WITH CAUTION IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED OR THINK MEDICAL INSURANCE COMPANIES ARE THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO US...

     So Friday, on my personal Facebook account I posted a single line and a photo that pretty much says it all to how I was feeling.  I am a simple person that has his own faults and understands simple mistakes are made in life, but as a person who has spent the better part of his working life in the retail customer service industry, I know how important your word  is to a customer.  You break that word and not only do you lose a customer, but your credibility is lost with future customers as well.  When other companies do this to me, it pisses me off!  Why a person or, a company in this case, can't or won't at least do the fucking minimum requirements of a job that would provide basic level quality customer service I'll never know.  It all comes down to the fact that if you say your going to do something than fucking do it.  Don't say you will and then weeks later take it back and wait till the last possible second to tell the customer, leaving him or her stranded with no recourse.  That is at the heart of what my Facebook post was all about.

      So here, let me give you a little insight into what I have been dealing with since late Friday afternoon.  Everything in my day was going well until Mandy opened a letter that came in the mail from the insurance company basically stating that my surgery is not being covered. That's right, 6 days before surgery they decided to tell me it wasn't covered, and better yet, when I called my doctor's office about it, the scheduling nurse said she had no idea it wasn't covered. She told me that when she submitted the codes for surgery to them they pre-approved everything and we were good to go, or so she thought.  After talking with her I called the insurance company and after several minutes of looking things up and reading all the notes on my case file she told me that everything was good to go. Wait, what?   She stated that the doctor's office submitted one code and it was denied, so they resubmitted a new code which was approved, so that is what the letter was all about.  Which is weird because the nurse I spoke with had no idea that anything was denied and was under the impression that we were good to go, but ok great, so we are good to go then right? I said.  Yes sir, she says.  She reiterate that everything was covered and after my deductible was met.

     Five minutes later is when it all changed.  The lady I spoke with from the insurance company called back to says that she miss read the notes and that my surgery wasn't actually covered. Her reasoning was that my doctor had submitted two procedure codes and the actual surgical procedure code was denied because I have not spent 6 fucking months resting from all sports related activities, sought alternative treatments options and medication to treat the tear in my cartilage.  I am by no means a doctor, but within 10 minutes of research on the internet told me what I would imagine every first year med student would know that cartilage doesn't repair itself.   What it sounded like to me is the insurance doctor that reviewed my case seems to think that those other options are viable options to solve my issue and my doctor should have prescribed these first.  So some guy or girl that probably got all D's in med school, barely made it through their residency, couldn't find a real job, probably never practiced medicine and takes home a large paycheck from the insurance company because his job is to save them money not treat the patient.  Yes I am pissed if you can't tell.  Needless to say I blew a fucking gasket and almost tore my office apart at work.

     Where does it all go from here?  Tuesday the nurse is going to call the insurance company and try to get it covered, and if she can't she will request a peer to peer review with my doctor and the insurance company doctor.  Thanks to the timing of the letter arriving on the Friday of a holiday weekend, Tuesday is the earliest they can work on this and I may not know till the end of the day Wednesday whether or not I will be going in for the procedure Thursday morning. 

     I have just had enough with all the bureaucratic bullshit.  When I had my MRI done, it was pre-approved as well for a certain dollar amount, but when I got the bill the insurance decided not to cover as much as they said they would and I ended up having to pay an additional $500 fucking dollars. If you say your gonna cover something then just stick to your word, I am just tired of it already.  The only reason I didn't completely blow a gasket on that whole deal was because I knew I was having surgery at that point and I would have had to pay it to cover my deductible, whether it was now or later.

     Anyway, sorry for the long rant, but that is what has been going on the last couple of days.  I just needed to blow off some steam and writing about it here seemed to help.  Lord knows I can't run right now to burn off this negative energy so I had to do something.  Enjoy your holiday weekend!

A Few Days Away

     With just a little over a week and a half from my surgery, I can say I am starting to get a little nervous about it.  I keep thinking to myself that I am laying on the table waiting to be put under and telling the anesthesiologist "Don't let me end up like Joan Rivers" I would say.  Of course this kind of fear is to be expected when anyone is about to under go a procedure that puts you to sleep, but now I am starting to worry about work now as well.  I will be off work for a minimum of 10 days and I have so much to I need to make sure is taken care of before and while I am off.  

     Today I had an appointment at the medical supply company to pick up three items that I will need post surgery for recovery and to kick start my rehab.  One machine can only be described as two large lower leg sleeves that work like a blood pressure cuff the doctor uses.  The machine slowly pumps air into the sleeves squeezing my legs to help fight against blood clots from forming.  

     The second is literally a cooler with a pump and a hose that hooks to a large pad.  I am to fill the cooler with ice and water so when the pad is attached to my hip the pump in the cooler will circulate the ice cold water through the pad.  This is to help relieve the swelling and pain that will result following the surgery. 

     The last machine is what I will use to start my rehab.   I can only describe it as a device with a frame work covered with a sheepskin cover that kind of acts like a sling that I will lay my leg in while it slowly bends my leg.  I am to lie flat on my back for 6 to 8 hours each day and allow this machine increase the bend angle of my leg slowly starting with a measure of 0 to 30.  I am to increase this ten points each day till I can get to a measure of 110.

     

Where the Hell Have You Been

   
     Well it has been a little over a month since my last post and I want to apologize for not being more active for you all.  I have just struggling to feel any sort of being or purpose lately when it comes to my blog.  Every time I think "that would be a good topic to write about" the desire just hasn't been there for me to do it.  Ever since I was told I needed surgery I have been down in the dumps with the whole "why me" argument.  I am sure the lack of exercise that my body is use to is having an effect on my mood, but when you add in being inundated all day every day on Facebook and other blogs about others that are hitting these great milestones, running some great races and just plain enjoying life doing what they love while you can't doesn't help the situation.  Don't get me wrong, I am so happy and proud to see so many people making healthy changes in their lives, but it is hard not to fight that feeling of jealousy and anger at my situation, and I think I have let it get to me so bad that I have been disengaging from almost everything in my life.  More and more the idea of just coming home from work, sitting on the couch and doing nothing but watch Netflix has become my norm, and I don't like it.

     Since I can't run I have dusted off the bicycle and given cycling a shot.  Mandy and I have gone on a few 2-3 mile rides together, but she likes to just relax and enjoy the view when she rides, which I don't mind since we are spending time together, but to me that is the equivalent of walking vs. running.  I have managed a 9 mile and 13 mile rides at a brisk pace, which felt pretty good, despite my ass getting sore. (#) I would like to get out there more, but really the only time I have to ride, other than my day off is in the early morning when its dark, so until I spend some money on lights for the bike, that is out.

     Time to change the attitude and think more positive about things.  I am sure the last thing anyone once to read about is my fucking pity party on how I can't run right now, when there is so much more going on in the world to deal with.  I have to admit, what you are reading now is the third time I have written this post, and before deleting most of it, I think typing those previous drafts really helped.  How you ask?  Well when I read it back to myself, all I heard was a guy that wants something to come easy to him, feels like he is owed something, wants others to feel sorry for him and say it is ok to be like this.  I know this feeling well, and you know what this feeling has gotten me in the past?  I'll tell you  142 POUNDS OF PURE WASTE OF SPACE!  That's right, the last time I felt this way was before this journey ever started and when I didn't want to put in any of the effort, but gain all the results.  

     My plan for the blog's future is to do a daily or every other day post about my surgery experience and recover, but until then my post will be few and far between and may have absolutely nothing to do with running. There is a little more than three weeks till I have my surgery, so until then nothing but living life and concentrating on the positives in life! 

Cut Me Mick

     

      For those of you that don't remember those words, they were spoken by Rocky to his trainer, when his eye was so swollen shut he couldn't see and the only way for him to continue in the fight was to have the trainer cut him to release the pressure and allow him to see.  Well it may not be my eye and this may not be a boxing match, but it is what I have to do if I want to continue running.

     For those of you that have been following along, today was my follow up doctor visit to review my MRI results along with my x-rays, and what I hoped would not be the case, was the case.  The MRI shows a possible labral tear of the cartilage that separates the ball from the socket of my hip joint.  I say possible because no doctor is every going to deal in absolutes until he actually is cutting me open and seeing it for himself, but the evidence seemed pretty convincing.  

     Well, how to we fix it you ask?  We cut me open of course!  Ok, I will stop being overly dramatic, since it is only a one day out patient, arthroscopic procedure where he will cut three small incisions in my hip and thigh to fix the issue.  What I will not exaggerate about is the recovery time, holy shit!  I will have to be off of work for a week to ten days, followed by trying to maneuver around on crutches for three to four weeks.  After those initial ten days I have roughly three months of physical therapy and an estimated time of six months before I can return to running regularly pain free.  Chances are it will be at least year or so before I can attempt another marathon, if ever.  

     Those that I have talked to about this have said I seem rather positive about the whole thing, well what can I say, this has really fucked up a lot of plans and goals I have set for myself, but it is what it is, right?  I mean I would be lying if I said I wasn't completely devastated, but feeling that way and throwing a tantrum like a four year old won't do me a bit of good, so moving on.  Now I have to figure out when is the earliest I can get in to have the surgery done, and based on work related commitments, that looks more like late August or early September at best.

     The other issue I have due to today's news, is what to do with my Detroit Marathon registration.  I cannot get a refund and other than just losing $75 and not showing up for the race, I could do a transfer to someone else.  I am going to do a little research on transfers and maybe just donate my registration fee to someone else who could use it.  So stay tuned for that!  

My MRI Pulp Fiction Experience

     I have to say that yesterday was a bit of an experience for me.  I haven't ever had any major medical issues that required anything of this magnitude when it comes to testing.  I had my first ever MRI yesterday, and not knowing what to expect I went in filled with more anxiety than I usually do.  My appointment was at 3:00 so I headed over to that area of town to grab a bite to eat and walk around the mall to kill some time before all the festivities began.  

     I arrived thirty minutes early to get checked in and only had to wait about fifteen minutes before they called me back.  The order of the day was going to be started with getting injected with a numbing agent, MRI contrast dye and a steroid that was ordered by my doctor, followed by a forty five minute MRI session as the nurse explained to me.  She first took me back to get changed for the procedure, which I had brought a pair of shorts to wear, but my anxiety quickly skyrocketed when she told me to strip down to just my socks and put on a medical gown.  Despite feeling truly uncomfortable in the situation, there was something very freeing about hanging in the breeze.  

     After I changed I was introduced to the MRI tech who went over my two page questioner, which I stated I was claustrophobic and had tattoos.  The tattoos could have been an issue because some inks contain metal which can feel a burning sensation and can irritate a patient during the MRI, I however had no issues with this during mine.  She showed me the "open" MRI machine she would be using and actually loaded me into the machine for a trial run to make sure I would be ok.  I was fine and didn't feel boxed in, but my face was about two inches from the machine, so it was a little unnerving. 

     Once she let me out, I was headed to another room to get the injections done.  I climbed aboard the x-ray table where the nurse positioned my leg and pull my gown up to the point I was very uncomfortable.  Now the whole time I was there the nurse and the MRI tech was so nice and accommodating, but at this point the nurse was explaining the injection procedure and by the time I was done I felt like the doctor was going to come in and go all John Travolta in Pulp Fiction on me.  As the doctor began to inject the needle I was prepping myself for a painful stabbing by clenching my hands and squinting my eyes as tight as I could.  Wouldn't you know, it wasn't shit to deal with.  I have had more pain getting my blood drawn than what I went through here.  Now for the cool part, I mentioned I was on an x-ray table, well he had a live x-ray shot of my hip on the screen so he could see where he was guiding the needle.  Once I realized the pain wasn't anything to deal with I looked at the screen to see this long needle injected into my hip joint.  He explained that I would feel pressure in the joint once he pumped all the drugs and the dye in, and sure as shit, it felt like someone was putting slight pressure on me.

     Now, for the MRI portion things didn't go quite as smooth as the injections did.  The tech got me all loaded into the machine, cranked up some '90s rock on the headphones for me and we began the scans.  After the first two scans, lasting in total of about fifteen minutes, she came in to make changes to the machine because she said, and I quote "you are to skinny and I have to change the machine to get a better picture."  It still is funny to hear someone utter those words to a person who use to be 317 pounds, but digress.  The change to the machine took about five minutes or so before I had to climb back onto the table and start the entire procedure over again.  From this point on things were going smoothly and I thought I was done when the tech said she was coming in, but I was wrong.  She told me that the last two scans she was unable to get good images and asked me if I would try the other machine, you know the tube that feels like your in a fucking coffin.  She said it would be ten minutes at the most, I said what the hell I can handle it, I think.  Thankfully she put me in feet first so my head was still sticking out a little, but man it felt tight in there.  We got started, and after the first scan I was doing pretty good, so she quickly moved on to the last scan.  I don't know what happened, but as soon as she said we were done and she was coming in to get me, my anxiety level shot through the roof and I felt trapped.  If she would have taken five seconds longer I think I would have had a full fledged freak out.

     I should have the results in a few days and I meet with my doctor for a follow up on the results next week.  I was given a copy of the images to look at, but I don't know what the hell I am suppose to be looking for, but here are some examples of the scans.  If I am correct the really white areas are the cartilage lining the hip joint.  I'll will have to wait till next week to be enlightened on what I am seeing here.